Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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