i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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