that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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