Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
