Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
