my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
