Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
