Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
