So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
