are you still at the devil's house?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
