Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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