I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
