Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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