I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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