I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!