Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
