Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
