Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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