Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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