So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
