butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my phone needs a breathalizer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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