Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
