so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
