i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
