Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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