and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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