We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
