his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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