So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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