my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
