sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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