I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
