that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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