oh god the rape fog is back!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
