4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish I only lived at night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm really busy with my period
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