I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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