you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
