I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
