its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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