planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
