i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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