That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
