Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I could make wine with my vomit
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
