I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
