forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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