put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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