The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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