Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
