waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
