Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
