I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
