he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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