I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
