if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
