I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
