I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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