I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
