If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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