I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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