Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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