I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
