This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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