omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You pole danced in your parka.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
