my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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