My liver just broke up with me...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
