He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
