Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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