i don't like sucking hair
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
