I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
