hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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