You smell like a Billy Joel song
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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