When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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