ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
