repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
