he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
